2021: My Year of Pause

Grandpa Oliver

Today we said goodbye to my grandpa, my dad’s dad. At 86 years old, he passed peacefully last Saturday with my Aunt Marla by his side. I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to visit with him two weeks ago and say “goodbye.” We talked about God’s grace, Heaven, and forgiveness. About the kids…

Love

Every year for the last five years, I’ve dreaded this day. January 31st. The day we celebrated Gabe’s baby blessing. The day we visited with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and our parents. The day we rejoiced in being “together.” The last day I saw my dad as “my dad.” Five years seems like forever. And…

Moments of Clarity

Yesterday, Sutton and I had a moment. Not one of my proudest mom moments, but this morning, I’m thankful it happened. I was fixing Eva’s hair, and it was taking a little longer than usual. Daniel put Sutton’s hair in pigtails, and she was upset, because “it wasn’t cute.” Side note: he did an excellent…

10 Years Together

It’s over. It’s finally over. A decade of twists and turns. Of love and loss. Of heartache and healing. Ten years ago, we were newlyweds, ready to face the world together. I joked then that we were an old married couple at just three months in, because Daniel spent our first married Christmas together taking…

Grief

The house was quiet this morning since the kids stayed with my mom, so I woke up early to have some time to myself before church. This book came in Friday, and I’ve been itching to start it. After the introduction, I was already crying. It’s going to be a tough [but necessary] read. “Pictures…

Five Years

On February 1st, my sweet, sweet Kasey, a student I’ve had for three years and the Beta club student who adopted me as their teacher this year, gifted this to me. She wrote in her card, “I never knew your dad, but I know he must’ve been pretty awesome to raise a daughter, mother, sister,…

Pause

We took this picture at MUSA’s Holiday Party a few weeks ago. Sometimes I wish I could go back. To the simpler days. Before the loss and heartache, before the stress of kids and finances, before the jobs and adulting. For years, I spent my time chasing perfect. I needed a plan (okay, I still…

Six Christmases

Six Christmases. That’s how long you’ve been gone. I realized tonight, while checking in on Gabe, that he’s never had a Christmas with you. I know I knew that—but it hit me hard tonight. And that’s probably why I’m still awake at 3:51am. He’s never experienced the joy of a Christmas morning with you. Of…

Turning 7

I watched her walk into church this morning. Curls bouncing. Hips swaying. Heels clicking. Seven going on seventeen. Where did my baby go? She’s a wildfire when she gets on a roll. But wait for the embers to die and the smoke to settle, And you’ll find a tender heart. Where did my baby go?…

Life’s Not Fair

It’s 2:34am, and I should be asleep. Obviously, I’m not. My mind is racing, like it has been for days. So much so that the stress, lack of sleep, lack of taking care of myself landed me at the walk-in clinic this afternoon with a diagnosis of double ear infections (one side pretty nasty) and…

Tell Your Story

“If you aren’t telling your story, someone else will.” -Kevin Brown For the third time in my adult life, I started a new job today. (Well, officially started since I’ve been doing it since February.) And my first day was surrounded by some of the best school communications directors in the country. It was intimidating…

My Kindergarten Graduate

Today’s the day. It’s her last day of kindergarten. She’s grown so much this year. Her reading, writing, and math skills have improved tremendously. She’s bossy and sweet. Motherly and loud. Smart and sarcastic. She’s still my tiny tornado. She’s everything I love about life and so much more. I often think of how different…