Love

Every year for the last five years, I’ve dreaded this day.

January 31st.

The day we celebrated Gabe’s baby blessing.

The day we visited with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and our parents.

The day we rejoiced in being “together.”

The last day I saw my dad as “my dad.”

Five years seems like forever.

And then I opened my email to these pictures, Gabe’s five-year-old photo session, and I realize how fast they’ve flown by.

Five years is nothing in the grand scheme of life.

And yet. It is everything to me.

I often think of what my dad would say about Gabe and the little wild man he has become. I know he would encourage me daily, remind me that I’m not a terrible mom, that every child is different, and that I’m doing the best I can for my son. He would be proud of us for seeking out early intervention, for following my instincts that it’s more than just “all boy.” He would also remind me that it’s okay to be a kid, and he would laugh, full-on belly laugh, at these photos. Because they are exactly who Gabe is–wild, carefree, all the best parts of his daddy and me wrapped up into one, plus one healthy dose of “payin’ for my raisin'”–whose raisin’ I’ve yet to figure out. Nonetheless, Gabe makes his mark in more ways than one. And my dad would love it.

I wish he was here. Every day, I wish he was here. If he was, I know what he would do.

My dad would smile at me and say, “Life’s not fair, Sweet Pea…”

And goodness would he be right.

I may dread today.

And the next 27 days, if I am being completely honest.

But I don’t dread this life or the path I’m on.

Because I know deep in my heart, I’m not walking alone…

I have my Heavenly father on one side, my earthly father on the other.

No matter how much I dread today, tomorrow, or the next,

I have love.

And that, my friends, is worth everything.

Photo by Brandi L. Connor Photography