Moments of Clarity

Yesterday, Sutton and I had a moment. Not one of my proudest mom moments, but this morning, I’m thankful it happened.

I was fixing Eva’s hair, and it was taking a little longer than usual. Daniel put Sutton’s hair in pigtails, and she was upset, because “it wasn’t cute.” Side note: he did an excellent job. She had two bows she wanted to wear, and he gave her a hairstyle I would approve that allowed her to wear both bows. Yet, she complained. And was very vocal about it—which did not sit well with me.

After I finished Eva’s hair, I braided Sutton’s hair and took a few minutes to remind her that not everyone has a daddy like hers. Not everyone’s daddy is there every day. And some people don’t have a daddy at all. She is blessed to have a daddy who would fix her hair. She’s lucky to have her daddy. I don’t have my daddy here anymore, and I’d gladly wear any hairstyle he gave me to have him here again.

Then, I told her she was going to the car to tell her daddy she was sorry, and thank you for fixing her hair.

And of course, that made her cry.

Later in the evening, she ended up not feeling well. She’s feeling better this morning, but she and I stayed home from church to be safe. As we were watching online, she ran over to me and said:

“Even though you don’t have your daddy here anymore, you have your BIG daddy here (using her hands to express how big she meant).”

…she registered the confusion on my face…

She whispered in my ear “God,” then leaned back and pointed up to the sky.

“Everyone has at least 2 daddies. Their real daddy and God.” Her smile as big as her outstretched arms. Then, she went back to her little table, sat down, and went back to watching church.

And of course, that made me cry.

I may be screwing up motherhood left and right, but there are some moments I know I’m doing something right.