Pause

We took this picture at MUSA’s Holiday Party a few weeks ago.

Sometimes I wish I could go back. To the simpler days. Before the loss and heartache, before the stress of kids and finances, before the jobs and adulting.

For years, I spent my time chasing perfect. I needed a plan (okay, I still need a plan) and for everyone to be happy. I needed to please everyone, and I did whatever it would take to make that happen. That people-pleasing and can’t-say-no attitude led me to a very unhappy place. I just wanted everything to be perfect—was that too much to ask?!

Ha.

2021 was going to be my year of “joy,” but I quickly realized it was really “pause.” There were so many moments that God showed me places to pause and wait. Pause and hope. Pause and pray. He helped my anxiety in my pause. He helped me find grace and light and love. In the late nights, in the middle of the day, when I couldn’t breathe, when I couldn’t take another step, He was my pause.

Life isn’t perfect.

I’m not perfect.

Daniel’s not perfect.

Our marriage isn’t perfect.

Our kids aren’t either.

But God doesn’t expect us to be.

If you didn’t already know:

Life is MESSY.

Marriage is HARD.

Parenting is EXHAUSTING.

Family—immediate, extended, the ones you choose— is CHALLENGING.

It’s not easy, and it’s not simple. You have to work at it, keep at it, and never give up on it. Once you do, it’s likely to be gone.

On the days of kids screaming, doors slamming, frustrations flaring because someone forgot to switch the clothes over or let the dog out or whatever catastrophe comes next…I have to remember: love lives here.

At the end of the day, love lives here.