It happened last night. One of every parent’s worst nightmares: we lost a kid. At Disney World. It was right after the park closed, and we were turning to head back under the castle and down to Main Street. The girls wanted to throw pennies in Cinderella’s fountain, and as we veered off, Gabe just … Continue reading Lost at Disney →

Sometimes, I call my mom when I know she can’t answer. Just so I can hear my dad’s voice—since she hasn’t changed the voicemail. Grief is hard. And sometimes, I just need a minute to remember. And cry. And mourn. And miss him. Then, I pull myself back together. And go about my day. Because … Continue reading Keep Living →

Life is hard. If we aren’t careful, we can fall into the comparison game with “oh look, so-and-so has their life together.” We forget that social media is a teaser, a preview of sorts, not the full feature film. AND it’s not always “happily ever after.” Personally, I’ve struggled a lot over the last two … Continue reading Life Lately →

Kindergarten graduation. Another stomach-lurching drop on the emotional roller coaster that this month has become: Dad’s birthday, Mother’s Day, packing up my classroom, graduation, Razorback baseball, surgery, and now, my baby graduating kindergarten. To be honest, I started worrying about Gabe and kindergarten somewhere around 3 1/2, when he went from being my sweet, passive … Continue reading Kindergarten Graduation 2.0 →

Discharged and driving home. Two and a half months ago, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I love my doctor in El Dorado. He was proactive in helping me get answers, but my surgical options were limited. I got a second opinion in LR at the clinic where I went when I was pregnant with my … Continue reading Surgery →

I could pick out a gazillion things out about this picture that aren’t perfect: • Starting with the lighting. • Sutton’s bow is crooked. • Gabe needs a haircut. • My nails are chipped. • Eva’s foot is sticking out. • There’s a line coming out of Daniel’s head. • What a weird background!!! And … Continue reading Easter →

So many memories. 29 years of memories with him. 6 years of memories without him. 189,388,800 seconds of knowing he’s not here. 3,156,480 minutes of walking this lonely grief journey. 52,608 hours of missed moments. 2192 days of unsent daily “good morning” texts. 313 weeks (and 1 day) of wishing for one more day together. … Continue reading Walking Down Memory Lane →

We took this picture at MUSA’s Holiday Party a few weeks ago. Sometimes I wish I could go back. To the simpler days. Before the loss and heartache, before the stress of kids and finances, before the jobs and adulting. For years, I spent my time chasing perfect. I needed a plan (okay, I still … Continue reading Pause →

Six Christmases. That’s how long you’ve been gone. I realized tonight, while checking in on Gabe, that he’s never had a Christmas with you. I know I knew that—but it hit me hard tonight. And that’s probably why I’m still awake at 3:51am. He’s never experienced the joy of a Christmas morning with you. Of … Continue reading Six Christmases →